new...

i am tripping over new toys all over the house...but my favorite toy is my new camera...i love playing with it and capturing the mischief in cam's face....

and the booger in ewan's nose...

all kidding aside, i love the new camera...and i love my husband for such a wonderful present : )

gifting the twins...

this year i am struggling with gifts for the boyz...see, they are definitely different individuals but their interests are pretty much the same...ewie likes trains, cam loves trains...cam likes cars, ewie loves cars...i could go on and on about dinosaurs, trucks, animals and books...so pretty much this year, there are very little individual gifts but lots of together gifts...i am not worried they will not feel they are treated as individuals if they get mostly together gifts...there is no way they can not be so different...i am pretty proud to say, they really share pretty good...occasionally they have their moments but they work it out themselves...i know their interests will differentiate further and further as they grow up...but until then, i am just content with being on the sidelines...taking in every new moment of excitement for christmas...

boyz afternoon out...

caitlin took the boyz to cosi today, all by herself...ewie was pumped for the ducks, water and doorbell... cam was excited just to be out and about and the balls...i was excited to be all by myself in the house : )

memories...

memories flood back this holiday season...our hearts full of love realizing they are now little boyz and no longer babies...they know and may remember from this moment on...and today they stumbled upon my secret stash of memories...my photo albums...full of family, friends, high school, college, ski trips, camping, holidays and osu games...all on 35mm film...printed and saved...i know they will have these same memories filled with different people...i can not wait to see their albums...

saint andrew's sons...

fort...

i built a fort for the boyz...ewie, camped out in it all morning...

and all afternoon since everyone refused to nap...







































grandpa hung hooks so i will feel a little less crazy...

 
















then the best part was grandma brought a cake for the boyz to ice and decorate...

what a great day!!

rosey red cheeks...

it takes me at least 15 minutes to corral them to the back door and 15 more minutes to put snow pants, coats, boots, hats and gloves...oh, how I loathe putting four gloves on two and a half year old hands...after dressing myself i join them outside...i hold their wrists, since i worked so hard on the gloves, as we take a walk down the street...they show excitement, as if, they have never traveled this path...we finally make it back to the yard so they can play, just a little while, before heading inside to warm up...the gloves, i worked so hard to put on, come off...and their rosey red cheeks make me forget any physical labor or frustration : )

first snow of the year...

we experienced our first snow in akron this weekend...the boyz loved it!!

so did andrew and i....

today...

"today you are you, that is truer than true. there is no one alive that is youer than you!"
dr. seuss

cows, chickens and cheers...

so we went to aunt heather's for thanksgiving...ewan was ready to head out the moment he woke up but the rest of us were not ready...we finally made it there...we had a wonderful thanksgiving dinner with family and friends...then the boyz were let loose on the farm...the cows were just a little overwhelming for the boyz...the chickens were fun...but the puddles and farm equipment were the best entertainment...let's just say ewie had an early wardrobe change when he doused mpm with chicken poo...cam splashed in the puddle of chicken poo in the coup...ewie was allowed in the truck by uncle gary and fortunately uncle gary saved ewie from doing the 1, 2, 3 in the puddle in the driveway...cam loved it all and was a little sad when aunt heather closed up the chicken coup...but really the best memory was the "cheers" at the kids table...

thankful...

i am so thankful, it is hard to find a place to begin...mornings in our pj's with cam savoring a pear and ewie just stopping in an odd position to see something on the television...we are so fortunate to have our zoo membership, which brings us lots of adventures and lots of times grandma and grandpa come too...seeing the boyz get so excited about the polar bears, elephants, tigers, lions, flamingos, penguins, okopis and monkeys have brought me so many hours of happiness...i have a husband who is a wonderful...he is such an amazing father, i can only hope these boyz realize how lucky they are to have him...we have great family and friends who are there for us in good times and bad...i have a job which keeps me challenged and also allows me to stay home two days a week with the boyz...so much to be thankful for...

on the right track...

we took the boyz to the train expo today with grandpa and grandma...andrew and i were a little nervous anticipating their behavior...see grandpa loves trains and andrew loves trains and the boyz love trains, so we were hoping they could pull it off...it was a wonderful expo and we found out the boyz are on the right track...

keena...

"you're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in!" 

-dr. seuss...

this was our weekend with just keena...last weekend she could barely walk to the school playground a block from our house...this weekend, she walked with us and went down the slide...

she is progressing but it is so very slow...half days at work for part of the week, last week and half days, every day this week...she is still on the same schedule as the boyz...

lots of energy in the morning, nap in the afternoon, wake up and plow through till bedtime...

i know she will get better but it may take a while...

so i just offer my support with a very big smile : )

faith and differences...

so they are so different...and andrew and i are so different parents...i know they will be just fine...together and separate...ewan is a new personality every hour...he loves being a new animal or mommy or daddy...cameron just loves being himself and an independent...in general, ewie is the rule follower and cam is the harder one to parent...i am the disciplinarian and andrew is structure...they love on me and want to do whatever andrew does... october has reminded me the hard way, you have to take care of yourself and your marriage...november has reminded me, GOD has a plan for all, whether we want to believe it or not...my friend's cousin passed away, he had huntington's disease...we talked tonight and she also told me of two of her college roommate's friends who died of cancer this week...all had small kids...how do you make sense of this...how do understand...tonight i saw the most beautiful sunset and felt a presence that jeff (heidi's cousin) had a higher presence...a higher calling...i can not make sense of our day to day interactions but all i know is GOD gave me my life, directed me to andrew and gave us the boyz...

consider the penguin

consider the penguin 

by Lucy W. Rhu

consider the penguin.

he's smart as can be -

dressed in his dinner clothes

permanently.

you never can tell

when you see him about,

if he's just coming in

or just going out

...for grandpa...nothing cracks you up more than the boyz and the penguins : )

in the scheme of things...

in the scheme of things, i should be overwhelmed...after packing up the car and heading out to akron, a tradition of trick or treating with mpm and nate, we had to turn around at 36 and head to urgent care...the cough of ewie's, which i just hoped would get better got worse...much worse...and scary...i spend a little over an hour at westerville children's close to home...he was borderline with his croup...they gave ewie a dose of decadron and sent us on our way hoping the steroids would kick in before he got worse...luckily andrew had taken cam to starbucks to try and make him forget he would not get to see mpm and nate...fortunately a treatment of croup is cold air so we were able to let ewie go outside...i made chicken noodle soup, linda style, in hopes it would cure all...when the boyz came inside to eat, ewie started making noise breathing in and out...he mostly drank broth for dinner and practically passed out at the dinner table...after dinner, he did not improve, still making noise breathing in and out...at 7 i called the urgent care back...see the 'roids should have been working to improve him by that point...they told me to take him to children's er...by the time we got to children's, i almost did not take him inside...he seemed better...the cold air can make it all better...but something told me to just get him checked out...the longer we were there...the worse he became...i was told by the triage nurse i could take him outside...it helped for the moment, pulling him around in the wagon, but not enough...when we went to our room he was angry...refusing to take off his vest, he was ready to go home...the wonderful nurse practitioner came in right away...she agreed, he should be better by now...racemic epinephrine was our option...a nebulizer treatment that would keep us there for observation for at least 4 hours...i knew it was our only option...he did great the first 5 minutes, watching the "relaxation channel," a combination of classical music and wild animal scenes...but then the epinephrine kicked in and he freaked...for about 30 minutes...two popsicles, juice and walking around did not work to calm him down...then the amazing person in the er said, "can he have a toy?"...i said, "yes, please! he loves cars and trucks"...she brought back a dump truck and a digger...all was right in ewie's world...the nurse practitioner had taken us to the snack room and loaded us up on snacks...luckily we used the dump truck to hold the fruit loops...this was great entertainment...and they brought him his motrin, because on top of the worst croup ever, he is teething...then i knew mom was with us because the 945pm movie was cars...he was living the dream...fruit loops in the dump truck, digger and cars...nurse after nurse loved him and said how good and cute he was...luckily after cars, he fell asleep watching the "relaxation channel" in 2 minutes...i laid him on the stretcher and caught a cat nap myself...the nurse practitioner woke me up at 1230am and listened to our little ewie...he was better...we could go home...as i carried him through children's to the parking garage...i thought of my mother being with me in pittsburgh children's...for three months...i know i put years on her life right there...the security guard was so gracious to help me put my dollars in the token machine while i held ewie...andrew was waiting for us at home...ewie slept until 9am sunday...he seems to be improving...but i do not have enough trust with the way this sickness has run, so i am keeping him home on monday...yes, i should be overwhelmed but i know my mother was with us...i have the best husband, sisters, family and friends in the whole wide world...in the scheme of things...the boyz are definitely scheming: )

thankful...

we are thankful for a brisk fall day...

and when we came inside...keena was there to warm us up : )

gotta do what you gotta do...

 we visited lynd's farm today...

 one had a "hay" day...

and one just needed a change in perspective...

bucket list...

some people have a bucket list of "things" to accomplish before their death...my bucket list is "things" I have wanted to do since my mother's death...it has been twelve years since the gloomy, rainy morning when these thoughts began resonating and have now evolved into a strong list...here's to mom...


1. i want to call you every day...4,383 days to be exact...although i have wondered how you would fit in to the texting/facebook world...i did change my profile pick to red roses in your honor...
2. i want to cook with you...i miss you telling me how much you like my cooking and offering me suggestions or digging in that binder full of recipes to find something i would like...i miss your chicken soup and green beans most of all...
3. i want my children to know you...not just the things i tell them about you but experience such events as "the orange night sleep over" and your enthusiasm about every holiday...including the creepy painted wood figures you made dad put in the yard and especially christmas...
4. i wish we could go to nyc at christmas time and stay in a fancy hotel...since the only images you had in your mind of this wonderful city were from the movies...
5. i wish we could take a trip to paris together...you always dreamed of going there one day...it is the most beautiful city i have ever seen in the day and at night...
6. i want you to tell me the things i do not even realize are bothering me...make  me lay on the couch to rest or force me to watch 'steele magnolias' because i just need to cry...
7. i would like to drink tea with you...since i never did when you were living...
8. i really want tell you a funny story, hear you laugh and see your eyes light up...just like lorri's do...
9. i wish you were here to help take care of keena...because you are the medicine she needs most of all...
10. i would love to have just one more moment to tell you about the past twelve years...but i know a moment would not be enough and it would not make me miss you any less...so i will just have to feel confident i said it all or you just knew the 25 years we had together...

different...

life has become different...it takes organization and energy...the boyz need organized, thought provoking, challenging activities...my sister or my sister-in-law could cite 10,000 ideas in an hour...i can come up with some ideas or remember some of theirs but it takes me time to have it organized to offer it...it takes me time to come up with a plan...because i need a plan...not them...tuesday we had a very busy day going to polaris in the morning and jen and jacob's in the afternoon...thursday we stayed home with the plumber in the morning and after no one would nap we went to the zoo in the afternoon...a very different but not horrible week : )

new jammies...

we had to actually go clothes shopping for the boyz...we have not had to do this since their birth...with gifts and hand me downs and small purchases, we have gotten by...i only wish i had the camera last night when i was trying to fit the boyz into last years two piece button up shirt jammies...cam's was only slightly tight and slightly short but ewie's was ridiculous...his pants were at least 2 inches too short and the shirt could barely button...now they have some cars jammies with plenty of room to grow...they were pretty pumped!!