in the scheme of things...

in the scheme of things, i should be overwhelmed...after packing up the car and heading out to akron, a tradition of trick or treating with mpm and nate, we had to turn around at 36 and head to urgent care...the cough of ewie's, which i just hoped would get better got worse...much worse...and scary...i spend a little over an hour at westerville children's close to home...he was borderline with his croup...they gave ewie a dose of decadron and sent us on our way hoping the steroids would kick in before he got worse...luckily andrew had taken cam to starbucks to try and make him forget he would not get to see mpm and nate...fortunately a treatment of croup is cold air so we were able to let ewie go outside...i made chicken noodle soup, linda style, in hopes it would cure all...when the boyz came inside to eat, ewie started making noise breathing in and out...he mostly drank broth for dinner and practically passed out at the dinner table...after dinner, he did not improve, still making noise breathing in and out...at 7 i called the urgent care back...see the 'roids should have been working to improve him by that point...they told me to take him to children's er...by the time we got to children's, i almost did not take him inside...he seemed better...the cold air can make it all better...but something told me to just get him checked out...the longer we were there...the worse he became...i was told by the triage nurse i could take him outside...it helped for the moment, pulling him around in the wagon, but not enough...when we went to our room he was angry...refusing to take off his vest, he was ready to go home...the wonderful nurse practitioner came in right away...she agreed, he should be better by now...racemic epinephrine was our option...a nebulizer treatment that would keep us there for observation for at least 4 hours...i knew it was our only option...he did great the first 5 minutes, watching the "relaxation channel," a combination of classical music and wild animal scenes...but then the epinephrine kicked in and he freaked...for about 30 minutes...two popsicles, juice and walking around did not work to calm him down...then the amazing person in the er said, "can he have a toy?"...i said, "yes, please! he loves cars and trucks"...she brought back a dump truck and a digger...all was right in ewie's world...the nurse practitioner had taken us to the snack room and loaded us up on snacks...luckily we used the dump truck to hold the fruit loops...this was great entertainment...and they brought him his motrin, because on top of the worst croup ever, he is teething...then i knew mom was with us because the 945pm movie was cars...he was living the dream...fruit loops in the dump truck, digger and cars...nurse after nurse loved him and said how good and cute he was...luckily after cars, he fell asleep watching the "relaxation channel" in 2 minutes...i laid him on the stretcher and caught a cat nap myself...the nurse practitioner woke me up at 1230am and listened to our little ewie...he was better...we could go home...as i carried him through children's to the parking garage...i thought of my mother being with me in pittsburgh children's...for three months...i know i put years on her life right there...the security guard was so gracious to help me put my dollars in the token machine while i held ewie...andrew was waiting for us at home...ewie slept until 9am sunday...he seems to be improving...but i do not have enough trust with the way this sickness has run, so i am keeping him home on monday...yes, i should be overwhelmed but i know my mother was with us...i have the best husband, sisters, family and friends in the whole wide world...in the scheme of things...the boyz are definitely scheming: )

thankful...

we are thankful for a brisk fall day...

and when we came inside...keena was there to warm us up : )

gotta do what you gotta do...

 we visited lynd's farm today...

 one had a "hay" day...

and one just needed a change in perspective...

bucket list...

some people have a bucket list of "things" to accomplish before their death...my bucket list is "things" I have wanted to do since my mother's death...it has been twelve years since the gloomy, rainy morning when these thoughts began resonating and have now evolved into a strong list...here's to mom...


1. i want to call you every day...4,383 days to be exact...although i have wondered how you would fit in to the texting/facebook world...i did change my profile pick to red roses in your honor...
2. i want to cook with you...i miss you telling me how much you like my cooking and offering me suggestions or digging in that binder full of recipes to find something i would like...i miss your chicken soup and green beans most of all...
3. i want my children to know you...not just the things i tell them about you but experience such events as "the orange night sleep over" and your enthusiasm about every holiday...including the creepy painted wood figures you made dad put in the yard and especially christmas...
4. i wish we could go to nyc at christmas time and stay in a fancy hotel...since the only images you had in your mind of this wonderful city were from the movies...
5. i wish we could take a trip to paris together...you always dreamed of going there one day...it is the most beautiful city i have ever seen in the day and at night...
6. i want you to tell me the things i do not even realize are bothering me...make  me lay on the couch to rest or force me to watch 'steele magnolias' because i just need to cry...
7. i would like to drink tea with you...since i never did when you were living...
8. i really want tell you a funny story, hear you laugh and see your eyes light up...just like lorri's do...
9. i wish you were here to help take care of keena...because you are the medicine she needs most of all...
10. i would love to have just one more moment to tell you about the past twelve years...but i know a moment would not be enough and it would not make me miss you any less...so i will just have to feel confident i said it all or you just knew the 25 years we had together...

different...

life has become different...it takes organization and energy...the boyz need organized, thought provoking, challenging activities...my sister or my sister-in-law could cite 10,000 ideas in an hour...i can come up with some ideas or remember some of theirs but it takes me time to have it organized to offer it...it takes me time to come up with a plan...because i need a plan...not them...tuesday we had a very busy day going to polaris in the morning and jen and jacob's in the afternoon...thursday we stayed home with the plumber in the morning and after no one would nap we went to the zoo in the afternoon...a very different but not horrible week : )

new jammies...

we had to actually go clothes shopping for the boyz...we have not had to do this since their birth...with gifts and hand me downs and small purchases, we have gotten by...i only wish i had the camera last night when i was trying to fit the boyz into last years two piece button up shirt jammies...cam's was only slightly tight and slightly short but ewie's was ridiculous...his pants were at least 2 inches too short and the shirt could barely button...now they have some cars jammies with plenty of room to grow...they were pretty pumped!!