this is the first time after their birth, i held them both by myself...i was so fearful and so scared...but i had never felt so overwhelmed with love...not since before my mother died...i look back and think how much easier it was with the boyz...they slept a lot...we head out tomorrow to oakland, maryland...the county where my mother was born and grew up and is buried...also where my baby sister was born, lorri and i went to school and we had a great little life, family and community...this community discovered something was wrong with me, prayed for a cure and took care of my sisters while i was with my mother in pittsburgh...childhood, even after we moved to ohio, brought us back to garrett county for the summers...i spent my 20's plus, skiing there every martin luther king weekend with great friends...i took an impromptu trip with my baby sister, kids and my niece and stayed at big bear lake...it was not my same memories as a child, just different and less idealistic...i have nothing but good memories here...i can not wait to make some with my children...most of all, i can not wait to visit my mother's grave...i miss her every minute of every day...fearful and scared, i know this will not bring her back...but it always makes me feel closer...to her arms full of love...
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