how do i explain...

how do i explain i woke up every morning thankful to be alive...because i was told i was lucky to be alive every day of my life...turns out when you have a brain tumor, all are effected...every day...is a gift...one sister has no worries...one sister has every worry...i only wish i could take all of the worries away...i have such a different perspective...

the beach

we took the kids to the beach for the first time...at the beginning of the week we were in the water at both low tides but after a little sting ray sighting then a big sting ray sighting...the kids decided they liked the pool better...although i convinced ewan and cameron we would be out of the sting ray habitat during high tide...there is also better shell collection...i want them to respect the ocean but not fear the ocean...

i love that ewan loves the water...he is one with the ocean...

i love that cameron loves the water and lording over sea shell collection...















i love that isobel is isobel...

as i discovered the differences of being a parent at the beach verses my only experience of being an aunt at the beach, my mind wandered back to my few childhood beach experiences...i tried to remember where my parents were in relation to me....a lot of times my dad was right next to me in the water...i am pretty sure my mom was on a blanket reading a book...i know my mother could not swim and rarely went into the water but how could she even be reading...was she really even reading...because even when i sit on the "sea shore," i am constantly counting to three...scanning the ocean...looking for real danger...trying to keep up with the sprints and waves carrying them further down the beach...i wanted to ask her, something that has happened quite frequently over the past 16 years...then i realized not only did i grow up with an innate self esteem but a strong will and need for independence...just like isobel...even if i could ask her, would i ask her...because only her death opened my eyes to how much she truly struggled with parenting a child like me...and now parenting my own strongly independent and willful curly girl...

isobel at 3...

#theworldisnotready for isobel at 3...she has more energy, than even she knows what to do with...she is mostly happy and completely in tune to her feelings...she tells us when she is sad, angry, upset, or any other feeling possible...she loves her brothers...she melts when they pay attention to her...she loves her father...she plays hard to get but she loves his rituals and chases...when he is at work she always asks about him and misses him...she loves me, her mother/sister...she lights up and screams when i walk in the door from work...she often needs extra hugs and carried...nothing can stop isobel...she can find a way...she is amazing...so smart...so excited...so determined...we are all just along for the ride : )